Understanding the Circles of Influence, Concern, and Control

The circle of influence is perhaps the most controversial part of the model. The Stoics, who were, it has to be said, quite pessimistic about individual agency in the public sphere, didn’t believe in it at all. Many modern-day psychologists, by contrast, do.

Today, we live in societies that differ quite dramatically from the civilizations of Ancient Greece and Rome. Many are democracies that subscribe to the charter of human rights. The Stoics were perhaps overly pessimistic about our influence and efficacy partly because they lived in the age of tyrannical emperors, who could destroy fortunes and take lives on a whim. They couldn’t trust in fair process, stable laws, and clear balances of power.

We can see the circle of influence as the point where inner meets outer. What we place in our circle of influence also depends on how optimistic or pessimistic we are and how we think about our agency and self-efficacy. We may overestimate our agency and influence, or else we may underestimate it, especially when we feel depressed and helpless (Seligman, 2011; DeAngelis, 2015).

Some things we do in the circle of control radiate outward. They have consequences for ourselves and those around us. The way we behave and show up impacts others and our projects. It can positively influence certain situations and outcomes and thereby expand our circle of control.

For example, how well we prepare and show up for a job interview will increase our chances of getting the job. How hard we work and how strategic we are about our decision-making may determine the success of our business. But not always — and that is precisely the point.

Sometimes, external circumstances will trump all our efforts in the circle of control. A global pandemic, for example, led to the collapse of many businesses, regardless of how hard their owners worked or how strategic they were.

We can, to a certain extent at least, try to control our thoughts, judgments, interpretations, and emotions.

We may use meta-cognitive Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy techniques, or journal and practice mindfulness and radical acceptance. We can work on our mindsets and seek the help of therapists and coaches to develop our resilience and inner resources.

Besides our inner lives, we can also control most of our behaviors. As an example: While we cannot control getting an illness, we can improve our general health and wellbeing hoping to prevent illness. We can choose to eat well, get enough sleep, drink enough water, exercise, and not indulge in toxic substances.

We can also control some of our reactions and choose not to respond in anger or fear to certain stimuli or jump straight into impulsive action without due reflection. We can aim to make conscious, deliberate choices in life that are aligned with our core values.

Joe has been seeing a career counselor and has an upcoming job interview. To prepare for the interview, Joe is advised to accept what he can control. He can control how well he rests beforehand and how well he prepares for the interview. He can control what he wears, how to present himself, and how to answer the interviewer’s questions.

But Joe cannot control how good the other candidates are, how apt a fit for the position he is considered, or ultimately, whether or not he gets the job. Worrying about that outcome will make anyone anxious. By accepting that the outcome is outside of his control, by contrast, he can let go of that worry and simply focus on doing his very best in preparing for and performing at the interview.

Sue is struggling against teacher burnout. Her environment is very stressful, and she is constantly worrying about the behaviors and attitudes of her students, even though she knows she can’t really control them.

During therapy, Sue is introduced to the concept of the circle of control and encouraged to focus on the things she can control: her own attitude and reflections, her teaching style, how she responds to bad behavior, and the way she shows up in her interactions with students. This shift in perspective allows Sue to let go of her worries and approach her job with a greater sense of calm and equanimity.

Rick is dealing with a chronic health condition that makes him feel helpless and out of control. He constantly worries about his symptoms and tries to control his body’s reactions.

But after reading about the circle of control, he realizes he needs to focus on the things he can control: his relationships, diet, exercise routine, self-care practices, and stress management techniques. By making positive changes in these areas, Rick could improve his health and feel more empowered in his daily life.

Below are a few simple exercises your clients can use during therapy or counseling.

List your core stressors on a sheet of paper. Next, draw concentric circles on another paper, representing circles of concern, influence, and control. Place each stressor in the appropriate circle.

Finally, look at the stressors that are within your control. Compile a list with a few action points: How are you going to focus more closely on what is in your control?

Embrace a growth mindset, recognizing that challenges and setbacks are opportunities for learning and personal development. Cultivate self-compassion and optimism, reframing obstacles as stepping stones toward growth and resilience. The title of Ryan Holiday’s book on Stoicism beautifully encapsulates this idea: The Obstacle Is the Way.

Engage in gratitude practices to shift your focus toward the positive aspects of your life and work. Express appreciation for the support and contributions of others, nurturing a culture of empowerment and collaboration within your circles.

Worksheets are helpful tools to use when assisting your clients with a mind shift.

This worksheet and template by the University of Victoria is an excellent starting point. It gives clients a nice indication of what might be placed in the different circles. But remember, the circle of influence is most definitely a gray zone. What we wish to put in here might vary significantly from person to person.

If you want to avoid the circle of influence, you can opt for the more straightforward Stoic version, which only features a circle of control and a circle of concern. An example can be found here: